Trouser Malfunction

At Egmore station I had a massive trouser malfunction, in that they split so badly that cheekage was visible (less to do with my lardy arse and more to do with the fact that they cost me £1, or so I'm determined to believe) It’s frowned upon to have knees and shoulders showing over here, so I’m not sure how they felt about my visible arse crack. I had to do an emergency outfit change (on the platform) in front of oh, I don’t know, about 80 people.  I get stared at wherever I go as it is, it really doesn’t help matters by whipping off my trousers in public.  Lesson to be learnt – Spend more than a pound on trousers, and maybe start eating a few salads.  

Whilst I was waiting for the train a little old man came over to speak to me.  The opening line, always is “where you coming from”.  Normally my heart sinks as I'm pretty crap at small talk at the best of times and invariably the people who are asking me don’t speak much more English than that, so it all becomes cringe worthy within seconds, but Sujit was great.  He spoke brilliant English and was super sweet and really interesting.  I reckon he must have been about 70 odd, as when we were speaking about Bangalore he said that he hadn’t been for a while.  I asked him when he last went and he said 1950!!

On the train I met 3 Indian blokes, one of which spoke reasonable English, the other two, not so much.  They all seemed really nice (a little bit pervy but that seems to be par for the course, or at least in my experience).  One of the blokes who spoke shabby English declared “I’m Single”.  I then said Oh, I’m sure you’ll find someone nice soon, blah, blah, blah (whilst adopting my most sincere, caring face).  He looked at me pretty blankly, then produced a business card.  He was actually saying “I’m a singer”.  Oppss. 

On the way back from the toilet a scary looking bloke came over to me.  I didn’t have a clue what he was saying but he was really aggressive and to be fair I was pretty scared. The blokes who I had been talking to came to my rescue and told him to do one.  I was really touched (very nearly inappropriately).  They even walked me to the taxi rank to make sure I was safe.  It’s times like this when I am at my happiest.  The kindness of strangers is so heart warming.  Bless their little cotton socks.  Happy, happy, happy