Sad

I feel really sad today.  The English girls who I met have now gone and I feel more alone than ever.  This is not helped by the fact that I can’t sleep at all.  I’m absolutely knackered but the minute I put my head on the pillow/concrete brick masquerading as a pillow, my mind goes into overdrive and I can’t sleep for love nor money.   I seem to be constantly anxious.  I was hoping that I would have an epiphany whilst in India about what I want to do with my life, but alas, I am still clueless.  

If by the grace of god (or by the consumption of vast amounts of alcohol) I do fall asleep, I am woken up by Asbo dogs.  There are a pack of them (about 15) that hang around outside my guest house in the same way that teenagers congregate outside MacDonalds.  They take it upon themselves to howl at the moon like wannabe wolves, for hours on end or fight with each other relentlessly.  I’m normally a big dog lover but I could happily herd the lot of them up and chuck them off a cliff.

If it’s not the dogs then it’s the demonic crows.  India is overrun by the squawking little fuckers.   I never really used to have an opinion about crows either way but I have a passionate dislike of them now.  They are pretty spooky too.  Aren’t they connected to death somehow?   Or am I thinking of a bird flying into a window?  Either way I can’t see a point to them. 

I know that it will pass but at the moment I feel lost and lonely and in serious need of a big hug from someone who loves me (or failing that, just anyone).  I want someone to wipe away my tears and tell me that everything will be okay and that I didn’t make a massive mistake by being here. 

Tomorrow I am on the road again.  It's going to take me about 3 days to get where I am going which, will be joyous.  I am headed for the beach.  I am going to take a week out and just chill for a while so maybe that will sort my sorry arse out. 

Sorry to moan.  I feel better for purging. 

I miss you all heaps. 

Sending you all lots of virtual love

xx