Tuesday, 17 September 2013

Dave and John

As well as sharing my little hut with 2 dogs I seem to be sharing the bathroom with 2 geckos. One has his tail missing, so walks as if he’s pissed. Poor little lamb. It takes him a lot longer to run away from me, when I open the bathroom door (yes, it even has a door to the toilet). I’m assuming it’s male. My knowledge in the field of how to sex a gecko needs some work. I’ve named them Dave and John so if they are girls they’re not going to like that very much.

Seeing as I’m only paying £3 per night for my little hut I thought I would splash out on another pair of sexy trousers. All my trousers are falling apart. You’ll be glad to hear that I’m still in possession of the orange elephant ones. I went into the local shop to purchase said trousers. The girl selling them was a beautiful young girl called Sonia. She was born to sell. If there’s one thing I hate more than small talk, it’s haggling. I find the whole experience painful. Sonia, though, was loving it. At times I felt like I was in a pantomime. It was awful. After wasting five minutes of my life that I am never getting back, I am now the proud owner of some green Ali Baba pants (paid £3. I told you she was good). I’m like the Alexia Chung of India, me.

I have no mirror in my hut which on many levels is a really good thing. Sometimes you really don’t need reminding about what you’ve become. I’ve never felt less sexy in my life. If you could see my wardrobe you’d realise how vanity is now a thing of the past. I would never wear any of this clobber at home. I look like one of the animal rights activists who protest outside Coleman Street.   The minute I get back, I am hauling on skinny jeans (I may have to wedge myself into them) and putting on high heels. This is all after I have spent an entire day in the bath.

Donning my new pants I met up with Uli to go into town. Uli said I looked nice. He didn’t even appear to mean it in an ironic way. Maybe this is a good look in Germany? They love David Hasslehoff, for fuck sake. Uli is sweet but he seems quite negative. He doesn’t really seem to like anyone very much and has a complete disregard for Germany. You’d think he was English the way he slates Germany. The only people who he does seem to be very fond of are the beautiful young Indian girls who work in the shops. Funny that. He’s young enough to get away with it at the moment. Another 10 years and he’s just a dirty old man.

No comments:

Post a Comment