R.I.P John

It’s a very sad day. John died! It looks like he died because he ran into a puddle of Head and Shoulders shampoo that I’d spilt on the floor (does that mean I accidently killed him?). It appears it’s good for a flaky scalp but fatal to geckos (it doesn’t mention this on the packaging). It looked like he was just resting but on closer inspection it became apparent that he was proper dead. The weird thing was that his little suckers still worked so I had to really pull him off the floor. It felt like one of those squiggy toys that you used to throw at windows and they would crawl down them (these are the sort of things you do when you don’t have a bike). I’ve not seen Dave for ages either. It has rained for about 30 hours solidl, so the dogs have fucked off too. Turn coats!! Trying to build relationships in India is proving very difficult.

Aside from animal news I haven’t really been doing a lot else. I’ve been trying to avoid Uli as much as possible. This isn’t an easy task. This place is so small that you’ve only got to walk out of your hut and he’s there. He has taken to knocking for me at least a couple of times a day. I generally pretend to be asleep. He keeps asking me to charge his mp3 player. For someone who loves music as much as tone deaf Uli, I find it hard to believe that he doesn’t have his own charger. Paradise resorts are not meant to have annoying neighbours. Arrghh!!

There are 3 English girls who I have not met but I’ve had the delight in occasionally overhearing their conversations. I started listening as they were talking about eggs, and as you all know I’m partial to a bit of egg chat. One of them said, whilst stroking her stomach, ”I had scrambled eggs yesterday and it was so yummy in my tummy” They are proper “gap yar” kids. I could listen to them for hours. It’s like something out of a French and Saunders sketch.

The trouble with the majority of travellers I’ve met is that they are mainly pretentious pricks. Everyone is trying to find themselves and they all bang on about being free spirits. They sit about playing top trumps of the most dangerous / remote places they’ve ever been. They see themselves as Bear Grylls when in reality if you were to take away Daddy’s credit card, they wouldn’t last the night. Sweet but utterly clueless.  I met a bloke yesterday from New York. He was nice enough but his primary reason for coming to India was to see poverty. He didn’t say he wanted to do anything to change the situation, just that he wanted to see it? He was saying all this from a luxury resort in Varkala, South India. Right on, man! .