As happy as a monkey with a new banana

Saturday morning came around alarmingly fast. I felt like crying when I had to leave the room, but I was very brave (if I were in the dentist surgery I would have been given a sticker). We got our final buggy ride down through the grounds and back into the real world. There’s a lot to be said for not living in the real world. I could get used to the high life. I might need to consider cancelling my date on Sunday with the lorry driver and hang out for a rich octogenarian with a heart defect instead (there must be websites for that). Or instead invest in truck loads of lottery tickets. To win I'm really going to have to meet them half way and actually buy a ticket.

We walked down to Kovalam Beach to find a place for me to stay, until I meet fish on Tuesday. I realised I was very much back in the real world when I sat down on my new bed and nearly broke my arse cheeks. The room had a TV, hot water and my beloved wi fi (wi fi is like crack cocaine to me. I come out in panic when I don’t have it. What I hate even more than having no wi-fi is actually getting some and not having any sodding messages. Arrgghh) so I couldn’t really grumble. When the landlord asked me which hotel I had just come from I didn’t have the heart to tell him (I hope he didn’t notice my Leela slippers!). .

I loved my little room though, especially considering that the alternative was to be sitting on a bus for over 15 hours on my way to Mysore. Fish on the other hand was the most excited I’ve seen him. He just left, all backpacked up and he looked as happy as you like. He is chomping at the bit to get his adventure started. Even the prospect of the bus journey didn’t dampening his spirits. I was like his mother making sure he had enough toilet paper and plasters etc. He just rolled his eyes and left.

The next time I want to be on any form of transport for longer than 10 hours is on the plane home. Talking of home, I only have a week left. I can’t tell you how happy that makes me. As happy as a monkey with a new banana (I don’t know how true that saying is as Fish told me today that monkeys don’t like yellow (he asked why all the trees in our complex had a yellow circle painted on them). If anyone can shed any light on this I’d be very interested to know. Not interested to look it up myself mind you).

I am starting to get nervous though seeing as I have no job to come back to and no real plan. I was meant to come to India, have an epiphany, come back charged with ideas about what I am going to do with the next 40 years and never look back. Instead I am just as confused as when I left but this time I'm unemployed. Good work, Breed.

Weird Spanish Film

Whilst we were on the beach we had a discussion about what to do next.  I was so in love with the high life that thinking about going anywhere else (other than home) wasn’t remotely appealing.  We decided that Fish will go off to Mysore on his own, for a mini holiday and I will stay by the beach working on this tan (If I don’t get asked to be in TOWIE on my return then there’s no justice in the world.  A lot of man hours have gone into looking this mahogany). 

The thought of sitting on a bus for 15 hours to go to somewhere I’ve already been just about sent me over the edge (I could get home quicker).  I think Fish could tell from the look on my face (and also due to the fact that I clearly stated that there was no fucking way I was sitting on a bus for 15 hours to go somewhere I’d already been before).  Fish didn’t take offence and probably relishes the thought of having a couple of days without my incessant moaning.  I’ve been here far too long and I’m just a jaded old tart.  I bore myself. 

We left the beach to go up to the pool (no buggy arrived to take us up.  Liberty).  The pool is amazing.  It’s one of those posh infinity pools.  When you look out you can just see the ocean for miles.  It is spectacularly beautiful.  The grounds are surrounded with stunning flowers that attract the most gorgeous butterflies and dragonflies I’ve ever seen.  There are even a couple of peacocks just mincing about too.  This place is like paradise. 

We checked out the menu for lunch.  The prices were astronomically expensive (comparatively speaking).  I ordered a coffee (which cost more than most of my meals).  He asked me if I wanted him to mix the coffee and milk together.  Damn straight I do.  For that price I not only want you to mix it together I want you to get a heat proof straw and feed me the bloody stuff.  We splashed out on a pizza too.  We really are living the high life!

In the evening we went out for a bit but I was loathed to even leave the hotel.  I couldn’t wait to get back to the room, get in bed and watch a film (do you see how I’m not really cut out to be a traveller).  We watched a film that was utterly compelling but not really something that should be watched just before bedtime.  It was a Spanish film where you end up kind of rooting for a deranged pervert to win the girl but instead she gets killed and he wrongly gets banged up for her murder.  Sleep tight then!